It has come to our attention that some of our visitors are dissatisfied with the site content, citing that we never talk about anything positive. To accomodate our readers, Joey made a list of things that we do endorse. If you don't agree with any of it, then you're gay.
Farting or anything that comes out of the butt
People who refer to their gonads as “merchandise”
The word “loaf” or “loaves”
Guild Wars
Asian cuisine
Butts
Anyone who can do the splits
Clubs dedicated to non-stop vulgarity/Simon Says
At least 85% of the programming on Comedy Central or Adult Swim
Going to a college with the word “Ball” in the title
Unintentional shandruff
Intentional shandruff
Anti-globalization (shut up you fucking social workers)
High fives
Endless queso and tortilla chip eating
Impromptu foot races through wooded areas
Getting naked in public and reciting Victorian literature
Anal sex (it’s tighter, warmer AND more degrading to women)
Super Smash Brothers Melee and first-party Nintendo games in general, except for Star Fox: Assault because stupid immobile tanks and shitty ground shooter sequences AREN’T Star Fox
Ramping high-powered wheel chairs over ravines/huge lakes/craters
Collecting drool from mentally retarded children
Risk, the undisputed best board game of all-time. Monopoly and Chutes & Ladders are second and third, respectively
Pile driving toddlers into garbage disposals
Salads that aren’t shit
Radiohead
Heineken
Domestic violence when it takes place between meth lab operators
Crime syndicates
The entire Grand Theft Auto series (even the bull shit one on the Game Boy Advance)
Break dancing Native Americans
Scalping
Ripping mad spliffs
15 minute guitar solos
Having four people that live together all take dumps into one single toilet and not flushing it for a week so you can see what it looks like/if it disintegrates
UHF
“MISTER!!!! CHANGE…. YA’ GOT CHANGE!”
Magic: The Gathering (only 5th Edition and older)
Mailing yourself in a large crate all across the world so you can steal exotic animals
ROFLCOPTERS, LOLERBLADES & LOLERSKATES
Scrumptious fruit juices
Perfect grilled cheese sandwiches
Being able to make half court shots 50% of the time (because I can, will have video footage to prove it)
Danny DeVito completely naked
www.churchoffudge.net
Shooting vitamins and other tablets out of the end of your dick
Using Microsoft Paint to ruin serious pictures
Calling people jerk-offs, dick slits, or dick holsters
Putting two magnets on opposite sides of your dick and watching it get smashed together
Super Nintendo
The “Pokey” waltz in Earthbound
Roller coasters that fly off their tracks and crash into a bus of nuns
Lesbian cheddar
Any word that you can end with a ‘Z’ instead of an ‘S’
Shooting rotten fruit out of large potato guns into an elderly women’s birth canal
Peeing all over toilet seats
Shitting in urinals, then flushing so turd water covers the floor
Old men’s nuts hanging out of their ball-high shorts
Babies that smell like Indian food
Going down five mile long zip lines and crashing through a wall of flaming TVs
Mohammed Ali’s shaking face, because he fucking deserved it. That pompous asshole.
Eating food past its expiration date because you’re a hard ass
Unprotected sex with minors/miners
Going up the stairs backwards in Castlevania IV
Japanese people flying and smashing everything
Crocodile vs. kangaroo fighting
Knowing that when you die, you’re going to dump your pants
The Royal Tennenbaums
Using Velcro to solve every problem, like world hunger
Being able to take the bottom three tiles out of the Jenga stack
People who use correct grammar (not using your when you really mean you’re)
Driving up hills, and when the road ends, your car keeps driving up into outer space
ET shoving his index finger into a light socket
Throwing firecrackers into the turd receptacles of a port-a-potty and having shit explode everywhere so when idiots have to dump in them, they’re forced to sit in a sea of festering ass
“Why don’t you unpack your butt?”
Punching Greenspan’s face so hard that his head explodes
Poking holes into the end of condoms so your brother gets his girlfriend pregnant
Thongs
Huge water slides
Mike Tyson
Putting a bike tire pump into your dick hole and pumping it up for eighteen minutes without stopping
Sewing five shirts together to make one huge shirt
Jumping rope so fast that the rope actually disappears
Carmel popcorn
The fact that anything can be flushed down our toilet. We flushed the Prime Minister of Botswana down the toilet. True story
Running straight up walls at a ninety degree angle, only if there’s a purple moon right in front of it
Making really stupid faces that upset people
Massive explosions
Hot air balloons shaped like genitals
Flying carpets
Having your face swell up so it looks like a nut sack
Going on field trips as a chaperone then telling kids you’re going to push them off a bridge if they don’t stop asking questions about pilgrims having sex
Riding mastodons into battle
Eating food, then crapping it out so fast that it still looks like it wasn’t eaten at all
Tops that never stop spinning, ever
The early 90s eraser head hair cut
Putting your tongue into a fan and having it get cut off, only to grow back like a starfish arm
Boxes of baking soda that smell like abortion and semen after they’ve been in the fridge for a year
Going on one of those stupid “rail car” rides at theme parks, then breaking it off of the track and taking it onto the interstate
Unbuckling yourself when you’re on a roller coaster right before you go over a hill
Throwing trays out the window of your dorm so they fly all over the place